First I must apologize to the select few Kurty-lovers for my extended absence from the blogosphere. I suppose a "short break" lasted a little longer than I expected. If you've never broken routine for some time and, perhaps after a few lame attempts (or none at all) to reestablish said routine, exclaimed "fuck it!," then the hat's off to ya. On second thought, I'm leaving my hat on because I don't have respect for liars. Everybody knows the wagon is fast; once you fall off it usually takes more than some B.S. "I wills" to jump back on. Often people find strength through a loved one ("Your meth addiction is affecting our relationship."), their boss ("Get your shit together or you're fired."), or a snickering stranger ("Dude, check out that fat fuck eating KFC. His sweatpants have stains on them."). Regardless of its origin, that little extra push is known colloquially as a good-old fashioned ass kickin'. I'll admit, I came to enjoy the extra 20 minutes a day I had "not blogging," and much to my surprise, y'all were not beating down my door with your boots on. But the truth is, I really do enjoy spilling my thoughts on here, and sometimes in cases like these, you just have to man the fuck up and kick your own ass - and also say sorry when it's due. So that's what I'm doing. Please kindly accept a heartfelt apology and a welcome back to Bushido.
And now for the newbies: you probably read that last paragraph even though the apology wasn't for you. That's ok. Hopefully you learned a nice life lesson or two. In addition, I trust you're now well-acquainted with my vulgar and satirical vernacular so there should be no more surprises there. Please read the "About Me" section for a brief introduction to my philosophies on fitness and nutrition and feel free to check out the "2011 Archives" for some free learnin'. I am by no means an expert but I definitely know some shit that you probably don't yet.
So anyway, what's up? Feeling bad about giving up on your New Year's resolution to eat right, and NOT waste your gym membership fee? You're not alone. I don't make resolutions like that because I'm not lazy and generally enjoy those things, but while I've been avoiding writing about exercise and proper nutrition I've also been pretty much avoiding exercise and proper nutrition altogether. Here's a quick rundown of my life over the last 2 months or so: To be fair, I've actually been to the gym pretty regularly but workouts have been affected by a serious case of fuckarounditis. If you didn't know, fuckarounditis is a common side effect of "eating like an asshole." The typical food bombardment that occurs during the end-of-year holidays is heavily magnified for a food addict of my caliber. The war puns are intended; I'm talking WWIII level shit. There were Reese's peanut butter trees everywhere but nowhere to hide. After a few days of reconciliation to start the new year I spent the second week of January at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica, which I can't won't describe in detail due to alcoholic haze in order to maintain my PG-13 rating. Now, one might think my gaining 12 pounds in 7 days would disgust me enough to end this nonsense, but I am experiencing serious ripple effect (both figuratively, and literally when I flick my gut). Less than 24 hours ago I polished off the better half of a bag of pistachios and enough peanut butter to cancel snack time for a week.
Finally, I've ended up here. After months of abuse I feel like a straight up turd, and enough is enough. I'm about to take this ass-kicking thing to a whole new level (re-read the title: mega-sore-ass). I'm ready to eat some real food (this includes plants and animals, and very little else.) and I've put together a nice little remedy for my workout woes, which I'll be following for the next couple months. I don't expect to be perfect, but I'll be chronicling it all here in order to maintain accountability. If I eat it, drink it, or fail to lift it, it's going on the page. That's for my own benefit. Your benefit is an in-depth lesson on "how to beast mode," along with some au-natural food porn and a few topless pics of yours truly (Disclaimer: PICTURES WILL NOT CONTAIN PUBES).
I guess that's all I have for today. I have been using this week to establish baseline numbers for my workouts, which I'll post tomorrow. On Monday I will begin logging the workouts and food and post a "before" picture. If you're lucky and I suck, I will eat a whole bunch of inflammatory shit this weekend and give you a nice shot of a blurry 4-pack. Giddy up!
Finally, I've ended up here. After months of abuse I feel like a straight up turd, and enough is enough. I'm about to take this ass-kicking thing to a whole new level (re-read the title: mega-sore-ass). I'm ready to eat some real food (this includes plants and animals, and very little else.) and I've put together a nice little remedy for my workout woes, which I'll be following for the next couple months. I don't expect to be perfect, but I'll be chronicling it all here in order to maintain accountability. If I eat it, drink it, or fail to lift it, it's going on the page. That's for my own benefit. Your benefit is an in-depth lesson on "how to beast mode," along with some au-natural food porn and a few topless pics of yours truly (Disclaimer: PICTURES WILL NOT CONTAIN PUBES).
I guess that's all I have for today. I have been using this week to establish baseline numbers for my workouts, which I'll post tomorrow. On Monday I will begin logging the workouts and food and post a "before" picture. If you're lucky and I suck, I will eat a whole bunch of inflammatory shit this weekend and give you a nice shot of a blurry 4-pack. Giddy up!
This guy's not fucking around, and neither am I.
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